You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
