Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
