Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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