Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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