she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
