I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
