someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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