dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
