Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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