I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
