I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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