I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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