i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
