Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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