She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
