The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
