Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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