Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
