I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
