fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
