Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
