we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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