Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
