WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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