i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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