Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
