u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
