he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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