I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
