Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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