You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
