so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Enjoy the penises
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
