Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I AM VODKA MAN
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
