Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
