Screwed.edu
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
