found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
