Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
