i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
