you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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