Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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