I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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