Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
