dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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