I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
