I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so let's talk penis.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
