I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My feet surprised me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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