I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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