I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
