he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
