We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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