I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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