If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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