i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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