Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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